Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Life continues on....and on.....and on!

I decided on a whim to come on my blog and try to write something, and I realized I haven't posted since last December!  So shameful!  I do miss writing, and it is like a muscle - the more you use it the better you get.  I haven't written in awhile, so if this post sucks monkey balls please don't give up on me.  I'll do my best to keep exercising and get better and come up with more stimulating material.

I guess I should update you guys since last time I posted.  I did find a job in January, and the company is now being sold and my tenure here ends as of October 1 so I have again been job hunting.  This has been a very frustrating past 2 years for me career-wise.  I do have a couple of interviews finally this week (I've been looking 2 months with no bites so far until this week) so hopefully something will open up for me since I'm down to my last month here.

I am still with Chris, we were together 2 years in February.  We started going to a new church right up the street from the house a couple of months ago and we really love it.  He's still my best friend and my love.

I had a really hard time the last year and a half or so with a severe depression, I think I talked about it in my last post.  I'm a lot better now than I was, although I still have small slips back into that mindset.  The job situation hasn't helped that very much, but that is a temporary struggle.  I've found my own outlets to help me stay positive and remember Depression LIES.  Same for anxiety.  Having depression and anxiety is like going back and forth on a teeter totter, you're up then down.  It yanks you from one end to the other.  Makes you feel crazy at times, but meditation and prayer helps with anxiety....and medication!

I do have an upcoming post you'll enjoy.  I'm currently reading Rodney Lacroix's (aka Midget Man of Steel) new book, "Romantic as Hell" that just came out this past Friday and I'll post a review right here as soon as I'm finished.  I'm about halfway through right now, and so far I'll say this is the best of his 3 books by far.  I'm excited to be able to tell you all about it! 

I also will be posting a review of Brittany Gibbons, "Fat Girl Walking".  It's been out for a little while, and some of you may have read it.  However if you haven't and are curious as to what it's about, stay tuned!  I've been wanting to do a review of it for awhile and just haven't yet so I'm putting it out here that it's coming! 

Last book review to come is of Ross Cavins' "Barry and the Apocalypse".  It is a hilarious book that I absolutely LOVED!  This book is fiction, and is about a retired, middle-aged superhero with a mullet, a beer gut and an affinity for frozen pizza and fruity beers who is pulled out of retirement reluctantly to save the world.  I'll save the rest for the post.

So that's what's to come so far from my noodle thanks to some wonderful friends who happen to have written some books!  Until next time!


Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Life is a highway and there are potholes: FROG Jam? Really?

Life is a highway and there are potholes: FROG Jam? Really?: So I was in the mountains of North Carolina over the weekend, around the Canton/Waynesville area to visit Chris' family for Christmas fo...

FROG Jam? Really?

So I was in the mountains of North Carolina over the weekend, around the Canton/Waynesville area to visit Chris' family for Christmas for the day.

If you've ever been deep into the NC mountains before, you know that there are some crazy things to be seen there, especially on those remote roads in the middle of the sticks.  You've got your rusty tractors, your stores that have tree carvings of 7 foot bears, or Indians, or any other large animal you can think of, and then there are the tiny rickety stands selling various mountain sundries.

You can't go further than a mile without seeing a stand for boiled peanuts, I don't know why there are boiled peanuts there - it's only in the mountains that you can get them, it's just a thing.  Go with it will ya.  Also, any fruit you can think of is made into a butter spread - apple butter (which I love), pumpkin butter, fig butter, butter, butter, butter.  They are everywhere. 

Now, let's get to the interesting part of this story.  There are also jams at all of these stands, and you see some weird shit, but I actually saw a sign for Frog Jam.  We passed this sign driving home, and I was like, "WTF?"  Frog jam?  Really?  Of course, my mind starts whirling about in its insane way, "How would you make jam out of frogs?"  "Or is it just jam that looks like ground up frog guts?"  I just could not figure this whole Frog Jam thing out at all.  I had all these gross ideas, delightful disgusting sick things swimming around in my head as to what Frog Jam could be! 

Then Chris said, "Let's Google it!"  Well, Google ruined EVERYTHING!  Thanks a lot Google.  Turns out the "Frog" in Frog Jam is an acronym for Figs, Raspberries, Oranges, and Ginger.  Sooo, it's a completely innocuous fruity jam with a deceptively gross name.  I was so disappointed.  Here I was, in my own sick world of frog blenders, and he ruined it.  Then he found TOE Jam:  Tangerines, Oranges, and Elderberry juice.  My world fell even lower.  Does this mean all of the gross signs we see in the mountains for weird shit are also totally innocuous things?  Oh please don't let it be so!!!  That's part of what makes it so fun up there!!!! 

Well, you know what?  I'm keeping my sick mind just the way it is!  I like being just a bit twisted!
What would you have thought had you seen a sign for Frog Jam???

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Brittany, Herself - September Writing Prompts

Howdy there!  Yes I'm finally back writing again.  Still having a difficult time getting back on the horse, depression does that to you, but I'm chugging along.  Still no job prospects, but I did have a marathon of interviews this week so hopefully one of those will work out for me, send good positive thoughts my way!

I chose to sort of change one of the prompts that Brittany had on her list this week.  She had one that said that September was Pediatric Cancer Awareness Month.  While this is definitely an issue that deserves much awareness, there is another illness that is near and dear to me that almost no one knows about that is also being highlighted this month.  This month is also Interstitial Cystitis Awareness month.

We call it "IC" for short, it is kind of a mouthful.  It is a personal thing for me because I have had IC since 2007.  It is a chronic condition for which there is no cure.  It is not life threatening, but it can be very debilitating and painful.

What the heck is Interstitial Cystitis?  If you haven't heard of it, it is a chronic inflammation of the lining of the bladder wall that causes small pinprick bleeding.  This can make it extremely painful as the bladder fills with urine and causes the person to feel as if they have a urinary tract infection.  Of course, when the doctor tests for this the result is negative.  Symptoms, other than pain, are frequent urination, painful urination, and painful intercourse. 

IC mostly affects women, and is also related to other conditions such as fibromyalgia and irritable bowel syndrome, both of which I have as well. 

IC can go into a type of remission, and come back.  I have had several remissions over the years, but it does come back.  I manage my condition with medications, and with decreasing the amount of acidic foods I eat, such as citric fruits, tomatos, anything spicy, etc.  There is more information about IC on if you want to know more.

Everyone supporting the IC awareness cause is "dressing up"  their Facebook page with a profile pic and banner pic, check mine out if you'd like to see it.  These pics are also on the IC network page if you'd like to support us.  We also do other things, like dye our hair blue, which is the official color for IC.  That's a little adventurous for me, so I always paint my toenails blue instead for the month to show my IC awareness love.  I encourage anyone to do just a little something do support us, spread the word about IC, and help us find a cure.  There are some people that have it so severely, they have to have their bladders removed altogether.  Show the love folks!!!

Friday, August 8, 2014

Do you ever feel pressured to be perfect and have it all together, even when you don't?

I haven't written in awhile, so I'm jumping into the fray with August Writing Prompts with a month of Body Blogging with the Curvy Girl Community.  Who knows if I'll write every day, but I'll write as often as I feel inspired - deal?

The prompt I chose is this one: 

Do you ever feel pressured to be perfect and have it all together, even when you don't?

The truth is, yes I feel pressured everyday and I don't have it together at all.  Why, do you ask?  Well, a whole shitload of stuff has happened to me in the last several months that has pretty much turned my life upside down and it has yet to turn itself upright again.

I lost my job in March, and haven't found anything yet (which has gotten really fucking frustrating).  I've gone on numerous interviews and applied for at least 100 positions.  My significant other and I make it work on his paycheck, and for awhile my tax refund was helpful but that is long gone.  Depending on others for help is not something I do well, and asking for help is not something I do at all but it's something I've had to do in order to make ends meet.

I don't know why we as women feel that we have to put up this front that we have it all together and are perfect girlfriends, wives, mothers, and have perfect careers, make it home each night to cook the perfect dinner for our perfect's all some made up bullshit that was put into our heads as kids or something.  There is no such thing as perfect....anything! 

None of us are perfect, we don't have perfect kids, sometimes our men are assholes (our kids are too), our jobs suck sometimes and some nights we have to just bring home McDonalds because we are just too fucking tired, frustrated, or irritated with our day to worry about cooking. 

I don't have a nice little bow to wrap this post up with, but I suppose if I were to say anything it would be this:  You don't have to be perfect girls!  It's okay to lose your shit now and then.  My situation is not going to right itself tomorrow, even if I do find a job.  It's going to take time to get everything un-fucked...and that is okay!  I believe that there is a job out there for me and that I will find it.  Until then, I'm okay with not being perfect and I'm not going to try to appear to be.  Things are not okay right now, but they will be at some point and I'm willing to be patient until then.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Life is a highway and there are potholes: 2014 and New Beginnings

Life is a highway and there are potholes: 2014 and New Beginnings: I'm a little late getting going on the obligatory January, "new year's" post this year but there's been a lot to think...

2014 and New Beginnings

I'm a little late getting going on the obligatory January, "new year's" post this year but there's been a lot to think about for me for the upcoming year.

For me it had a lot to do with reflecting back to where I was during the holidays 2012 and new years of 2013 which was dealing with a separation and living alone for the first time.  The holidays were not fun for me in 2012, so 2013 didn't start off that great either.  I had my family and some friends but for all intents and purposes, I had to work this shit out on my own.

In February, the unexpected happened......I met someone.  We went on a first date, then a second, then next thing you know a relationship began to bloom.  I put the brakes on it a few times, fear can really screw with your mind so we took things very slowly but by the time this year's holidays were rolling around we're both all in. 

We had started living together, and we celebrated our first holidays together in 2013.  We have each met the parents, and things are good there.  I got a promise ring from Chris for Christmas, which (for those of you that don't know what those are) is basically a promise of committment without actually getting engaged since we're not quite at that point yet.

For us, 2014 is about letting go of the past for good (I hope to finalize my divorce in a few months) and for he and I to move towards making a future for ourselves.  We both still want children (even though I am a tad over 40) so that is something that is important to us.  Hopefully that will happen for us and if it doesn't, perhaps adoption is in our future. 

Either way, I'm not afraid of the future anymore.  For a long time I was and living that way makes all parties involved so unhappy.  I know that whatever happens, I'm finally with the person I'm supposed to be with and 2014 looks bright!