I haven't written in awhile, so I'm jumping into the fray with August Writing Prompts with a month of Body Blogging with the Curvy Girl Community. Who knows if I'll write every day, but I'll write as often as I feel inspired - deal?
The prompt I chose is this one:
Do you ever feel pressured to be perfect and have it all together, even when you don't?
The truth is, yes I feel pressured everyday and I don't have it together at all. Why, do you ask? Well, a whole shitload of stuff has happened to me in the last several months that has pretty much turned my life upside down and it has yet to turn itself upright again.
I lost my job in March, and haven't found anything yet (which has gotten really fucking frustrating). I've gone on numerous interviews and applied for at least 100 positions. My significant other and I make it work on his paycheck, and for awhile my tax refund was helpful but that is long gone. Depending on others for help is not something I do well, and asking for help is not something I do at all but it's something I've had to do in order to make ends meet.
I don't know why we as women feel that we have to put up this front that we have it all together and are perfect girlfriends, wives, mothers, and have perfect careers, make it home each night to cook the perfect dinner for our perfect families......it's all some made up bullshit that was put into our heads as kids or something. There is no such thing as perfect....anything!
None of us are perfect, we don't have perfect kids, sometimes our men are assholes (our kids are too), our jobs suck sometimes and some nights we have to just bring home McDonalds because we are just too fucking tired, frustrated, or irritated with our day to worry about cooking.
I don't have a nice little bow to wrap this post up with, but I suppose if I were to say anything it would be this: You don't have to be perfect girls! It's okay to lose your shit now and then. My situation is not going to right itself tomorrow, even if I do find a job. It's going to take time to get everything un-fucked...and that is okay! I believe that there is a job out there for me and that I will find it. Until then, I'm okay with not being perfect and I'm not going to try to appear to be. Things are not okay right now, but they will be at some point and I'm willing to be patient until then.