Monday, May 30, 2011

Bra....Oh how I hate you

Oh how I hate you.....torturous brassiere
You pinch me and squish, those boobies of mine
I want to burn you, then un-burn....then burn you again for fun
Just so you feel extra pain and go away forever
Or better yet, make you wear a tight bra yourself
That pinches and squashes
and digs and makes marks and makes you hurt
Just so you know what you feel like when I have to wear you
I hate you bra, I hate you oh so much
You suck you suck, you suck suck suck

Okay, I know it ain't poetry, but I really do hate my bra a lot.  It makes my back hurt a lot sometimes.
I've found that sports bras are great though, I've started wearing those and I bought some yoga tanks with bras in them also, and those things are SUPER FANTASTIC!  They are way comfortable, and don't make my back hurt.  It's great for my back pain. 

Anyway, even if I suck as a poet, I thought you'd enjoy my hatred of bras anyway and share the sentiment so enjoy!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Master Procrastinator - Rehabilitated?

Back when I started this blog in February I told you guys what a major procrastinator I was - I had not even put up my Christmas decorations yet at that point.  Well shortly after that post I got the boxes put up, but the naked tree remained in the corner of my living room.....until last weekend I am ashamed to say.

However, it is now FINALLY PUT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Yes it took until May for me to get it done, but hey - it got done didn't it?  Now I have the chair back where it belongs and a bunch of my husband's computer parts and shit are in that corner instead.  So, no it's not all pretty and clean over there, but I'll take what I can get. 

So kudos to me!  Back pain and all, I dragged that sonofabitch tree and put it up all by myself!  Aren't u proud?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

A New Career????

Sometimes an odd thing happens to me when I am out shopping.  Strangers come up and talk to me, and sometimes think I work at the store at which I am shopping.  Let me explain my lastest escapade.

I was at Walmart just this past Thursday - minding my own business when a lady crosses the women's clothing department with a skirt in her hand and asked me, "Is this a skirt or a dress?"  I didn't know why she singled me out when there were other people around,  but I told her I thought it was a skirt and went on shopping. 

Wait, I'm not through yet.  I walked out to one of those racks they have near the aisle to look at some yoga tanks and this lady in a scooter motors up to me asking me where the school supplies were.
Um, excuse me - I don't work here.  I have a shopping buggy with me with crap in it, I have street clothes on and am carrying a purse.  I am clearly shopping just like you are.  What in holy hell made these people think that I worked at the freaking Walmart?  There were store employees all over the place, so it's not like I was the only person around.  I just don't get it.  Do I have a sign above my head that says, "Questions?  Ask me!" 

This truly happens to me more often than you guys know.  I don't know if I have a friendly face, or a demeanor about me or what.  I'm usually pretty okay about it and am friendly to other people, but some days I want to be left the hell alone.  This kinda was one of those days unfortunately but I wasn't rude to anyone, thank god.  I told scooter lady I didn't know where the school supplies were and she motored on her merry little way.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I love The Three Amigos

I was reading another blog awhile back and could not believe that this year marks the 25TH ANNIVERSARY of the movie, The Three Amigos starring Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, and Martin Short.
It wasn't the first movie starring actors from Saturday Night Live, but it was there in the beginning of it all before Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, David Spade, and countless others joined the fray. This movie has been counted as one of the funniest and one of the stupidest, but I love it just the same.

If you have never seen this have to see it at least once. It was directed by John Landis and written by Lorne Michaels (of SNL fame).  The story revolves around the lives of 3 silent film stars, played by Martin, Chase, and Short who are mistaken for real heroes in a small Mexican village and then must find a way to live up to that reputation. 

Lucky Day: Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo."
Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous?
Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous.
Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!
Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?
Yeah, they're not too bright either...hence the misunderstanding that gets them into the hilarious mess.

Here's another funny exchange that occurs between the evil El Guapo and his #1 henchman Jefe:

Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises.
El Guapo: Many pinatas?
Jefe: Oh yes, many!
El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A *plethora*.
Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?

The funniest EVER is them going into a rough Mexican bar full of gringos.  They think they are famous and that the gringos want a show, so they "perform" for them a little song....."My Little Buttercup"

Check it out....gets me every time

Anyway, there's my homage to The Three I have a hankering to see it.  Need to just go buy a copy don't I?  Well, off to the rental store for now.......

Friday, May 13, 2011

OBL's Final Moments

Okay, Blogger's forcing me to repost this so once again................


I had to put it back up, it was just too fucking funny not too. 

And yes I know it begs the question.....Which wife?  He has what.....4?

Anyway, have another laugh.  I'll have Fibro Friday up later tonight.  With Blogger being down I haven't worked on it yet so it'll be awhile.

Monday, May 9, 2011

I've been infected!

It's true you guys, I've been infected with an STD - A Sexy and Talented Diploma that is!  I contracted it from one of my favorite blogger friends, Lady Estrogen over at Adventures in Estrogen. 
If you  haven't read her blog, get your butt over there!  It's awesomesauce! 

If you want to be infected too, and play with us, here are the rules - Lady E style:

1. Make up ONE totally ridiculous story about yourself that is a complete rip-off from a movie. It can be as long or short as you want; clean or crass as you want.
2. Pass it on to whomever you feel is deserving of this STD - or accept it and keep it for yourself; it's your blog - it's your choice.
3. If you choose to accept this STD, please link your acceptance post back at Lady E's blog at  She's keeping this open most of the summer, and will be giving away random goodies now and then.

Okay so here's my story:
On my 16th birthday, my whole family completely forgot it was my birthday.  I was in love with the coolest boy in school who I thought didn't know I was alive.  This total geek was stalking me and I ended up letting him borrow my underpants to show the geeks so he could say he did it with me.  Anyway, a lot of stuff happened the night of the school dance.  The next day was my sister's wedding which sucked, but after it was over the cool cute boy came to the church to find me!!!  ME!!!  We had a romantic birthday celebration at his house and he kissed me! 


Had me a hot date on Saturday night! Yes go ahead and say it....Woohoo!!!  Nothing major, just dinner and a movie with the hubby.  We went to see Thor starring Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman.

The movie was another in the Marvel comic universe, directed again by Jon Favreau (he directed Iron Man if you recall) and this movie is in 3D.  I really really liked it a lot!  The 3D was really well done, it didn't smack you upside the head like a lot of 3D movies do, it actually contributed to the story and made you feel like you're a part of the story which was cool.

The storyline itself was really cool, according to Hubby who knows all of the comic storylines as well as Nordic mythology said it was pretty true to the original comic story which was good to know.

What I appreciated along with the storyline and affects was the eye candy that is Chris Hemsworth.  That man is PRETTY.  I mean......damn.  It was too bad he didn't have his shirt off more. 
Like I said, EYE CANDY.  Check it out:

See, I told you.  He just needed to be shirtless the whole movie and I would have been a happy girl.
It really was good though, no kidding.  If you get a chance to go see it I do recommend the movie, with or without eye candy.

Hubba hubba

Saturday, May 7, 2011

A Post for My Mom - Happy Mother's Day

I love my Mom y'all.  She is a hoot!  Everybody says we look just alike, I don't see it - but whatever.
We've always been close, and she's always been there for me.  Even when I've made choices that she didn't like, she supported me anyway.  Everytime my life crumbled around me, she's been there to help me put it back together again.  Everytime I've had my heart crushed, she was there with me until it mended itself.  My Mom is my friend, my confidant, my advisor, my counselor, my sounding board and is an invaluable part of my life.  I know I can never begin to repay all that she has given to me, but all I can say is Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  Thank you and I love you very much!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My new favorite insult

Via the blogosphere, I have been armed with some new creative insults to call people - some of which I love to use here.

Asshat is one I love, the other......douche-canoe.  I've also found cock-knocker, and my friend Lady E has the self moniker of cunt dragon. 

Courtesy of The Bloggess, I have found the new favorite.....the new mack daddy insult that I plan to overuse until you are sick of hearing it.  Are you ready?


The definition of a bitch-pigeon is the following:
It's someone that comes out of nowhere and shits all over your life...metaphorically.

My ex-husband?   BITCH PIGEON
See how that works?  Love it!  Feel free to use it amongst yourselves.

Have fun!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Weirdo hats

Had to do it guys....the royal wedding brought out some weird-ass hats (ass-hats....hehe) and I just had to comment on a few.  Most were really pretty and normal, some were just bizarre.  What is this thing about wearing hats on your forehead?  I don't get that at all....hats are for your HEAD people!!!!!!

Here are the standouts:

                                               Victoria Beckham's forehead hat with a stringy straw through it.

I think this hat looks like a canoe, Joan Rivers likened it to a vagina.  Either way - weird hat!!!

Orange feathers?  Really?  No no no.....just no.

Another forehead hat with roses and feathers sticking up - what are u, Pocahontas????

And the piece de le resistance - the "wicked stepsisters" as I call them.  Another blue canoe, and the beige one - a cross between a Minnie Mouse and Lady Gaga creation.  Bizarre, bizarre, bizarre.  That beige hat has got to be the strangest one of the bunch.

What was your favorite weirdo hat of the royal wedding?