Cheesy Bloggers - Getting Sick Can Be Funny, Right?
I don't just have a story about my latest medical escapades....I have an epic drama.
Our story begins the first weekend of December. I started feeling tired, achy and just generally not too hot. I powered through a few days of it, worked a couple of days the following week but then Thursday knew that I was really coming down with something. I called the doctor, made an appointment for Monday and stayed home from work Thursday and Friday.
Friday, the weirdest thing happened - the most bizarre symptom ever. It literally felt like my entire left butt-cheek was on fire, it was bizarre and it hurt! By Sunday, I knew something was definitely wrong. I seemed to have some sort of open wound happening (yes, on my heiney) and it HURT LIKE HELL!
Monday, December 12th arrived, and by this time I could not sit up. I had to lie on my side and absolutely could not drive. Since my sweet hubs had to work, my Mom was kind enough to drive me to my appointment as I was laid out in the back seat.
I went in and saw the PA. She took one look at my wound, and immediately went out and got a posse of doctors to come in and check out my ass. I was joking around with them, "geez how many docs do we need in here to see my ass?" Turns out I had a very serious bacterial abcess and they all said, "You're going to the hospital......NOW."
Well, the ass show was funny but now it all had turned very serious. The doctors were very concerned, and as soon as they said "hospital," I immediately had a panic attack. You see, I have never been hospitalized before, even though I've worked in hospitals for years. I've never been on that side of things. It really scared the everliving shit out of me. They had me a room ready within 10 minutes, and I was shuffled out the door and across the street to the hospital.
I got into my room, and got settled but was starving by this time. I had a small breakfast but had no lunch. This was about 2 or 3pm and I was famished. Lucky me, I had to be put on a clear liquid diet just in case I had to have surgery....I was NOT HAPPY. I kept begging my visitors to slip me in a Big Mac or something but they suck and wouldn't do it. Hubby did bring me some hard candy, which is better than nothing. LIQUID DIETS SUCK SUCK SUCK! I had to do that for 3 days before they ruled out surgery and I actually got real food.
The next wonderful hurdle after I arrived was the saga of....STARTING KAREN'S IV! I am a hard stick at times, with me not feeling well for over a week, I was dehydrated as it was making my veins go bye bye! I have small veins that are really deep, so I had nurse after nurse coming in there sticking me. One nurse even tried my bicep and left a nice black knotted bruise. (thanks a lot u biotch) FINALLY about midnight, the IV team showed up and put a butterfly IV in after the 3rd try. In case you don't know, the butterfly is like the smallest you can use and she got it in the top of my hand (ouch!) Now that I had an IV, they could start pumping me full of antibiotics and they had me doing sitz baths (if you don't know about those, google it.)
I didn't sleep much at night during my stay because the night shift was so fucking noisy, and during the day was tough because of all the visitors: family, friends, nurses, doctors, techs, phlebotomists, etc. It was a steady parade all morning. I got a bit of peace in the afternoons so I could sleep a little then.
I was there for 6 days, and every medical person that came in had to see the booty. My Dad made a joke that there was a marquee at the end of the hall with showtimes of when the "Booty Show" was starting. I believe he said they were selling popcorn too, but I didn't believe him of course.
Finally on Saturday they declared me well enough to go home on oral antibiotics so I went home on December 17th. I was still very weak but luckily had gotten most of my Christmas shopping done before I got sick. I sent my very helpful hubby out to finish it up for me but it did make me sad to not have any decorations up.
After the holidays, I was still healing up but everyone else in the free world went back to work. For a couple more weeks I was still weak and not myself but by the first week of January, I was starting to go a little nuts. Cabin fever was definitely setting in people. My husband kept asking, "Now, when can you go back to work?" I know I was driving him insane. I had nothing to do but heal and talk to the dog all day while he was gone, then I pounced on him for human contact when he arrived at the end of the day.
Now, I am finally back to work.....still crazy but just my normal crazy. Sigh.....