Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Love is a Battlefield

Hubby and I have a very weird relationship sometimes.  It can be antagonistic, but in a loving way - and I know that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.  Case in point, Saturday.  We decided to go to lunch and then to see a movie, we went to see Battle:  LA.  He looked up the listing and told me the movie was playing at the Carmike at Koger Blvd.  We got ready and then headed out, me driving. 

When I started heading the direction of the Carmike, our conversation went something like this:
Hubby: Where are you going?
Me:  To the Carmike, where you told me the movie was playing
Hubby:  I thought it was at Brassfield.
Me: You told me Carmike, so that's where we're going.
Hubby:  Well, okay. I don't remember that, but okay.  Where are we going to eat?
Me:  You pick the place, you're the one that said, "I'm starving, I haven't eaten all day! Blah blah blah"
Hubby: I picked the movie, you pick the restaurant. 
Me:  Well what kind of food do you want?
Hubby:  Karen, it doesn't matter!  I'm just starving, just pick somewhere!
Me:  Fine!  Is Cracker Barrel okay?
Hubby:  That's fine
Me:  Good!

We had a nice lunch, even though the service sucked and they tried to bring me cold food. 

The movie WAS at the Carmike, so I was right.  And no I did not get an acknowledgement of, "Yes Karen you were right."  What do I expect?  Douche canoe...

He absolutely loves loves loves to criticize my driving.  He knows it makes me insane and the more I tell him to shut the hell up, the more he blabs on and on about it.  Either I'm not driving fast enough, or I'm too close to someone's bumper, or I needed to run that light, it doesn't matter what I do or don't to - I'm not doing it right.  The continual berating of my driving started when we left the house and continued until we got to the theater on the other side of town.
We got to the movie theater and I said, "Look, when I'm driving, you need to shut up.  When you drive, there are things I don't like and I keep my mouth shut."  He made some smart-ass retort, to which I responded, "Go fuck yourself."  He said, "No thank you."  I said, "Well, then bite me."  He again said, "No thank you."  I then said, "Then shut the fuck up!"  Then he said, "No." 

What an ass hat.

I love my hubby very very much, but he can be a douche canoe ass hat. 

That's our relationship a nutshell.  And in case you're reading this honey, Love you baby :)


The ZB said...

lol My marriage is pretty much the same way, right down to the wanting to pull over to strangle him while I'm driving (and driving just fine, thank you very much!). I've always figured from the way we bicker and talk shit to each other that anyone overhearing would think we hate each other, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

Carolynleigh said...

Oh yeah! My hubby does the same thing when I drive. The worst part is, he broke his leg last week and now I have to drive ALL the time! I'm biting my lip the whole time while he tells me about cruz control and how to weave in and out of traffic with it.
I think it's a man thing.

TexaGermaNadian said...

Hahaha, too funny. And ass hat, probably my new favorite insult :)

karen said...

I love "ass hat" and "douche canoe"! I had to use them both in this post....I just had to!!!!

Suniverse said...

Huh. Sounds like scenes from my marriage.

Glad to find we're not the only ones who swear at each other. It's so satisfying!

Ashera said...

Hi New follower from Fab Thursday blog hop. Liked your post a marriage without some spat would be so boring. Well that's what I tell myself.